i dont know how i remembered to write my blog for this week since ive been so busy studying for my exams. i have seriously never spent so much time on studying. i guess the thought of failing these exams has scared me enough to make me put an effort into studying. last year, during the 10th grade exams, i dont think i studied at all - a couple hours maximum, but now being in 11th grade, its different.i have to start worrying about my future and bringing up my GPA to get into a decent college. its really freaking me out.

last summer, my cousin christina who had just graduated from cornell, went on and on about how i really needed to stop fooling around and start focusing on what i needed to do to get into a good college. she said that when she was in 9th grade, she was just like me. rarely did her homework, rarely studied (if she did, she would study a couple hours before the test), barely passed her classes and always played around. like me, everytime she doubted ever slacking off or wondered if she should actually be studying, she would always make up this excuse to make herself believe that playing around was fine. her excuse was: life is short, so you might aswell enjoy it. i mean, it sounds right. why not enjoy life and its benefits while it still lasts? then christina went on to tell me that by 10th grade she felt the "fear". the fear that hits you when u realize that you might not actually go anywhere or be somebody if you dont put your act together. sadly, that "fear" didnt hit me until the beginning of 11th grade.

in 10th grade, my grades were horrible. i had never failed a class in my life until 10th grade where i practically failed all my classes, and to top it all off i did some things (which im not particularly proud of) that put me into such a complicated situation. at that time i was still oblivious to the situation i was in and didnt realize that i was digging myself a really deep hole. it wasnt until some said to me, "you know laura, dont act as if everything's going to work itself out. if you keep acting like this, dont expect to get into college. you have to work your way to get there." now, being in a family that takes education really seriously, that hit me really hard. how embarrassing would it be to be the only person in your family whose it too stupid to get into college? since then i officially had the "fear".

the beginning in 11th grade i knew i had a lot of things to make up for and i tried me best to get my grades up, but over time - like most things do - the fear started to fade. i started not to care anymore. it wasnt until i received my first report card. it was definitly better than any of my 10th grade report cards, but it wasnt good enough to get into a good college and 1st term was supposed to be the easiest.

these exams coming up are scaring me half to death because i need to do well in them but i know that there's a pretty good chance that i wont because these things always happen to me. when i study and study and study, and i feel like i did well on the test, i end up flunking it. i just hope that if i flunk these exams, ill do better on the later ones.

but as my brother likes to say, "dont bother stressing out. if you've studied all that you could and tried your hardest, the best you can do is get a good nights rest and relax. there is no benefit gained from stressing out."