I remember being ecstatic. My parents had troubled looks on their faces but there it was. The letter.
I had made it into one of them most prestigious summer ballet programs in the country.

Along with New York City Ballet (NYCB), American Ballet Theater (ABT) is one of the leading ballet companies in the US. If NYCB is the Harvard of the ballet world, ABT is the Yale. ABT itself conducts summer programs, or summer intensives as they are called, at five sites (listed according to the intensity of the program): New York, Michigan, Alabama, Texas, and California. Of course, the New York site was the most elite and the hardest to get into.

I disregarded the other acceptance letter I received that same day from Nutmeg Conservatory and focused in on the ABT letter. In my mind I was already picturing myself dancing in front of packed houses at Lincoln Center. I had gotten into my and the company's second choice: ABT Detroit Summer Intensive in Michigan, which was still a long way away from the New York site's prestige, but still pretty impressive to get into. Somehow I needed this confirmation from a place outside of my home ballet studio. Once you get too sheltered in one place you begin to wonder what credibility they can give you.

I arrived at the Wayne State University dorms, where we were being housed, excited beyond words and eager to learn. 'Hey,' I thought to myself, 'maybe that ballerina dream wasn't as far-fetched as I once thought it was.'

The first day of the program was used as placement day. And though I didn't do a spectacular class, I went out of the studios that day rather jubilant. I was in stark contrast with the rather haughty atmosphere that surrounded the girls around me. These were the rich, pampered, well-off, kids who had fake smiles and compliments for the teachers and would sooner backstab their 'best friends' to make it to the top. Loyalty was not a well-known attribute in these parts. I would imagine that it would have been a little friendlier in the Alabama, Texas, Cali sites where the competition is less fervent.

I seemed to make quite an impression on both the choreographers doing our workshop pieces for that session on the first day we met them, which was also the day they made their casting decisions. My prominence in the forefront of my level, however, was quickly extinguished as the program wore on. Though I still had my upbeat disposition, the classes grew heavier and all the more arduous for me. I struggled to just have a place in every class and my body became weary with fatigue. I had never before put myself through a program this intensive and I think I was overwhelmed both physically and mentally with the experiences. If I hadn't been too infatuated with just the thought of ABT I probably would have driven myself mad. There were times I struggled to find the inspiration to keep me going and had to persevere through exhaustion to give 110% everyday. I didn't say I succeeded in achieving that everyday but I sure tried.

The last week was the most hectic and tiring but that only heightened my elation. It was the week of run-throughs, dress rehearsals, and stagings and you could almost see the excitement in the air translate into the theater through the dancers. Despite having a mild fever at the beginning of that week and reworking my solo with a different pas de deux partner a few days before the performance because my original partner had gotten kicked out of the program three days before our performance date, I remained strong and optimistic. Whatever happened in those four weeks had no importance anymore. Or maybe they meant the world and would be the pinnacle of this experience that would culminate with two performances. Whatever it was that I decided on, I let it fill me and used it for my performance.

It was final day of the program, the performance day, and the day whizzed by until it slowed down just hours before the curtain went up. I always get excited before a performance. Excited and then suddenly nervous and nauseous for 20 minutes before the start of the performance. Then just the two seconds before I make my entrance the nauseating anxiousness evaporates and I am left with euphoria and exhilaration. It's something about the theater and the atmosphere and the blinding lights that when I step on the stage my mind becomes clear though at the same time hazy with the overflow of emotions in me. It's that feeling of being out of yourself. You don't think, you just do. You just dance.

Maybe it was the worst performance I had ever given, but at the moment all I could think of was the power that I had. Of the passion that consumed me. As if I were something bigger; as if I were someone who had the world at her feet. I was flying and all I could see were the stars above me. The world below had disappeared and there was no way of getting me back down for a while.

Throughout the course of the performance when I was on stage a thought came to me:

"Oh yeah... This is why I dance."

Labels: ballerina, ballet, dance, dreams, performance, summer intensive

Life is going by so fast that im starting to get really really freaked out about it. i remember being in 7th grade, thinking nothing about colleges, SATs, college apps, like it was yesterday. ive watched all my brothers go through the IB program, suffering their way everynight trying to meet their deadline and ive always thought to myself "im so glad thats not me. i dont have to do that till im old." that was three years ago!!!! and it went by like a flash.

A few days ago i was looking through the mail that was just put on the dinner table, when i came across a couple letters that where addressed to me. "woah, thats wierd" i thought, "i never get mail." i quickly tore open the envelopes and pulled out the cards that were inside them. They were all from different colleges in the US trying to convince me that their college was the one to go to. That freaked me out. For some reason, getting mail from colleges made me realize that i couldnt play around anymore. i have to grow up. all these years leading up until now, ive had the mentality that everything would be alright and things would work out fine for me, whatever i did. Mom and Dad had everything under control and if anything went wrong, they'd take care of me. how stupid. my future depends on how much effort i put into my work today. Mom and Dad cant type my essays, cant do my presentations, cant write my exams. i have to. what becomes of my life depends on me alone. Because it took me so long to understand this (i admit im rather slow :D) i had to make up for so many years of "dumbness" in the spand of a couple days. i had to completely change my mindset. At times, thinking about all this has put so much pressure on myself to do well at school that its making me want to explode but i always try and convince myself that its worth it. suck it up for now, tolerate it, and later on in life you'll be glad you didn't give up.

But no matter what, i will always miss the times where i had no homework. I will always miss the times where i didnt have to take notes in class.

I will always miss the time when life was simpler.

Labels: college, university

Why am I always the one in the way,
the one who complicates things,
the one who always has to end it?

Three hearts I’ve hurt, lasting wounds.
And I’m reminded daily of the pain I’ve caused,
unknowingly, unintentionally.

Pieces here and there,
my heart and theirs.

Lasting memories of when it was good.

Then suddenly, everything is turned up side down.
one at a time, over the course of a year,
it’s overwhelming.

I see all of their faces,
all different but one emotion unites them against me.

They are hurt, confused,
“what went wrong” they ask.

A river of tears for each.
I weep over what’s been lost.

And yet the river,
it isn’t my tears,
it’s theirs.

They are the ones who bare pain on my behalf,
who gave love and received a heavy heart.




By Kendal M.
Sept. 26th, 2007

Labels: change, heart, hurt, love, pain, poetry

This week I've been thinking alot about 'titles'. The main thing I had in mind was titles given to relationships. Although girl-boy relationships are given various titles, I, on the other hand, have been thinking alot about friendship titles.

When a friendship is given a title, for example 'best friends' or 'sisters' even, if you get into some sort of routine calling this person your 'best friend', after a while it just sticks, even if the actual meaning behind it doesn't really exist anymore. All relationships (im talking about friendships in particular) in life face some sort of problem, it could be something really minor, or something completely major, either way, there will be problems! Although alot of friendships face these problems and get through them with their title and the meaning behind the title still in tact, some friendships just aren't as strong, and they can only handle so many problems before the meaning behind the title kind of just... disappears. Yes, the title still stands, the words are there, but beneath that lies absolutely nothing.

Situations like these often confuse me. I mean, I know there are many things in life that are said to be 'more important' but actually... friendships and relationships that consist of love and care are actually one of the most important things in life. Without love, life would not be worth living, honestly. But then again, if you're in a friendship that is talked about as if it is full of 'love' when really that 'love' isn't so strong and the real friendship under the title is non-existent, then something has to be done! The only thing is... how? I mean, think about it! If your 'best friend' were to come up to you and say "hey, you know, i think things have changed. Maybe we say we're best friends, but actually, we aren't, are we?!" It's not like you'd reply "Yeah, for sure! Let's just call the whole thing off!" Because if you were to say something like that, you'd be the one who looks bad. Therefore, instead of saying how you really feel about the situation you'd reply "Huh? What do you mean? You're my BEST FRIEND! Our friendship is so much more than just a title!" The only thing with that is the fact that the friendship is then turned into a complete LIE!

In a situation like this, I wouldn't know what to do. Just because i wrote this, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm in this situation, but I will admit that I've been in a situation similar to this in the past. Unfortunately, that situation wasn't resolved. I wouldn't say I'm still dealing with it, but I am still dealing with the whole 'title' thing being stuck in place the way that it is. But I guess everything happens for a reason, right?! So maybe, just maybe, something good, will come out of something as deceitful as a lie.

Labels: friendship, lies, relationship status, relationships

Ok so i know that my last blog was spiritual also, but this just has to good of a message to keep to myself.
....READ ON...


If You Want Me To
By: Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

CHORUS:
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

..............................
Alright..now that you have read it..
I seriously love this song so much! I happened upon it when i was in the middle of moving here to Indonesia and was having a serious mental breakdown and freaking out at God for making me come here. I mean this place is EONS different from where i lived before. But as i was listening to this song i just thought...."WOW God, I have been so selfish and unfair to you for thinking that i know whats best for me". This song always puts me back into perspective. I mean if we are afraid to step outside of our comfort zone for Jesus or be a light for Him in a dark place then it seems like we do not even care about all of the stuff that He went through to save us. It just reminds me of how much God loves us and we need to always trust in him. And obviously it was a good thing that I gave into God and accepted Him bringing me and my family here..or else i would not be writing thin blog :p. Ok well that is really all I have to say. Just wanted to give u guys the song to...listen to it...its GOOD! Ciao...<3

~~Hannah

Labels: change, Christianity, song lyrics

I’ve created a monster. And I don’t know what to do. There is a story behind the story that most people don’t know. The story that has been told is misleading and contradictory to the story that has been left in the shadows. I’ll shine the light.

I liked this guy, genuinely had a crush on him. I loved the attention he gave me and the kindness and curiosity he showed towards me. He was sweet to say the least. The coolest part was that he liked me back and it showed. He asked me on my first date (ever!) and after that first date we started hanging out more and more. He was my first valentine and I thought he was a dream come true. He really liked me, I could tell. I liked him too. I started to wonder what was to come of it, were we going to be together forever, was he the one? This thought scared me, things were moving too fast, I didn’t know what to do. Should I distance myself, try to slow us down, put up the stop sign? I prayed earnestly day after day. My feelings for him lessened and I knew God was helping me let go. The last day of school I shared this verse with him:

“I want you to promise, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the timing is right.” Song of Songs 8:4

I explained that it wasn’t the right timing for us, that we needed to cool it. He told me he understood and agreed. I thought that was that. Time to turn the page.

The summer passed by full of new experiences and new friendships. School started back up and everything was normal. He and I were friends, nothing more, nothing less.

Now another guy has entered the picture. Some people have jumped to conclusions. They think we are ‘together’. At this point in time, we are not ‘together’. Is it a crime to like a guy? Some people understand, some don’t.

Now I’m being ridiculed for leaving the past the past. I’ve turned the page, started a new chapter, and some people keep looking back as if they are waiting for the past to change. It doesn’t happen that way. I don’t always make the right decisions. But who does? Emotions are ever changing, that’s why crushes come and go. Some people give more of themselves than others. Some hold on longer. Many people get hurt. That’s what happens. That doesn’t make me a heartless person, I wish people would understand that.

written by kendal

Labels: change, crushes, love

sorry this post is a day late.. i didnt have time to write it last night because i took my 3 hours to get home from school after watching the basketball games so when i finally reached home all i had time for was to take a shower and rush out the door to meet up with my family to have dinner.
here's my post!

i hate being ignored. when people hear that im the youngest in my family and im the only girl, besides my mom, they automatically think im the one that gets all the attention. they couldnt be more wrong. Because i am the youngest, i get ignored the most and being a girl doesnt make it any better. i know that most women try to make themselves believe that women and men are equal, but theyre not. this is a male dominant world and unless a woman is REALLY important or REALLY pretty, they hardly get noticed. Anyway, back to what i was saying.. everytime there is a group discussion in my family about a matter that involves all of us, my input doesnt mean anything. i think they dont even hear me talk. if i say something there's no reaction from anyone of them and even if i repeat what i said, there's still no reaction!! at first i thought it was just me.. maybe im just being too senstive about this but then some thing happened that made me 100% sure that it wanst just me and that they were ignoring me much more then any other family member. it happened during dinner at sushi sei when i asked my mom a question (i forgot what). i successfully got her attention and she was looking straight at me so i thought it was okay to ask her the question (i try to avoid every possible situation to make it easy for a family member to ignore me so i make sure they have their full atention before i go ahead and say something to them). After i finished asking the question, my mom inhales and begins to answer me but then turns her head and talks to someone else. WHAT?!?!?!?!??! how is that even possible..
then, i figured out the trick. the only way my mom, my dad, or my brothers would pay attention to me is if i got their attention by speaking in a loud low voice. that is solid proof that people are willing to pay more attention to men than to women! as annyoing as it is, its fact. but even then, i refuse to get there attention that way so now ive just stuck to waving my hands in the air and making really weird noises. i hope as i get older my family will be nice enough to at least pretend to listen to what i have to say :D or i will be 'important' enough to get noticed.. maybe i should become a brain surgeon.

Labels: exclusion

Can the arts be graded?

If art is a medium in which creativity and expression pours out of how can it have a standard at which it is judged? Isn't each individual's creativity and expression subject to that individual's standards?

For one, I've often wondered why figure skating is considered a sport first (granted, it's one of my favorites).
The marks scheme is split into two: technical elements and artistry. The technical marks are pretty straightforward, you either nail it or you don't (landing two-footed or not making the complete revolutions count as not making it, obviously) but the marking of a skater's artistry is very subjective. Certainly, it's not possible to judge them fairly on that. The act of administering these points in the first place implies that one skater's artistry is "better" than another's. On what basis is this skater's better than the next? Her facial expressions are more exaggerated and so that means her artistry is far superior? When in fact the interpretations of both skaters are different, they are now being ranked in a discreditable manner - always being biased to one of them a little more than the other.
What was worse was when the old ISU points mark system was still in use. It was then possible for a gifted skater to get a "perfect" score: 6.0 for technical elements and 6.0 for artistry. 'Perfect artistry'... seems a bit funny don't you think?

Most of the time, if not all of the time, art is very relative; its boundaries of what is right and wrong don't ever seem to be clearly defined. What one person finds vulgar and distasteful another could find audacious and innovative. Thus the reason for the number of controversies in art as well.

This problem is now, for me, more evident in the art classes at school. Apparently, it's possible for a student to be marked down because their work does not match the definition of art as is accepted by the teacher or textbook. Or for a teacher to decimate an artwork because she "doesn't like the effect" of what the student was doing. A bit harsh when compensating the fact that maybe that student used all four periods the class was given to work on the assignment creating something she truly believed was "acceptable".

Definition from Dictionary.com
art1 /ɑrt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ahrt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

I remember in 8th grade our art class also debated and discussed about the definition of art, so I guess one could go off on another tangent arguing what is and is not art.
For another blog perhaps...

And maybe none of this makes sense. Just thoughts from an exhausted and frustrated person who believes music exams are a waste of time and money (what do you use them for anyway? college applications? résumés? personal gratification?).

Labels: art, controversy, grading, subjectiveness

Has there ever been a time in your life when you feel as if you don't belong? As if, although there are so many people surrounding you, you just don't seem to fit right with any of them? I'm pretty sure that almost everyone has felt that way at some point in their lives.. and if you haven't yet, you will! I hate the feeling of displacement, as if you've just been put bang smack in the middle of a group of strangers. It is by far one of the worst feelings, ever!

It's 2:16 in the morning and I'm still wide awake. Just thinking about the various situations and emotions that i have faced in this past week is actually a fair bit to grasp! Maybe some of you will be like "oh, here we go again.. zoe's gonna start pouring her heart out over the internet" but actually, that's not what I want to write about. I just want to write about the general, very broad topic of someone being 'left out'. Overtime, things change - especially during the adolescent years because our hormones are going absolutely crazy! But I mean, why is it that one minute you can feel completely satisfied with life - school is fine, family is fine, friends are fine... and then all of a sudden, your mood switches, and you feel as if you just don't fit in anywhere? Basically it feels as if you just don't belong.

This whole teenage thing is really starting to get to me. Nothing seems right anymore... in my mind life would be so much easier if we could fast foward the teenage years, finish school, finish university, get a job... and live happily ever after. Rumor has it that the teenage years are some of the best that you'll ever have. Now, I don't know who came up with that 'theory' but if these years are the best years I'm kind of not looking foward to growing up. Okay, back to my topic of people being 'left out'. I wonder why we feel that way. In most cases nothing has changed, life is just as usual, but inside we feel different. It must be the hormones, I mean, it HAS to be. Otherwise why are there so many depressed people in the world? Yes, things go wrong, but if people get so depressed that they start trying to commit suicide, it has to be the hormones that send their minds crazy, which is pretty sad... because that means that it could happen to any of us.

One day - happy. Next day - dead.

Labels: depression, exclusion, teenage years

A few weeks ago in homeroom we read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. It is a very good and thought provoking verse and since then I can’t seem to quit relating something to it. The verse goes like this....

1There is a time for everything and every season under the sun;
2A time to be born and a time to die…
A time to plant and a time to uproot…
3A time to kill and a time to heal…
A time to tear down and a time to build...
4A time to weep and a time to laugh…
A time to mourn and a time to dance…
5A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them...
A time to embrace and a time to refrain…
6A time to search and a time to give up…
A time to keep and a time to throw away...
7A time to tear and a time to mend…
A time to be silent and a time to speak...
8A time to love and a time to hate…
A time for war and a time for peace.

This verse is so uplifting. Especially for those of us in the IB program. Some nights when I have uber amounts of homework but and all I want to do it get on msn or facebook I just remember this verse and think to my self, “ok Hannah this is your time to study…time for msn will come later ☺” hahaha. Corny I know but it really does help knowing that God made a time for everything and it is our job to rise to the occasion and do things in there time. I am a person who likes to rush things and move quickly, sometimes I think that I can get things done on my own faster or wonder why something has not happened yet. But keeping this verse close to my heart just gives me little reminders all day that everything will happen in God’s timing because he is never late. Isn’t that so great to know? It just makes you stop and thank him for all that he has done in His perfect timing doesn’t it?

Well looks like its my time for my 5 o’clock Indo lesson ☺. Hope this verse is as reassuring to you as it is to me!! Ciao!

~Hannah

Labels: Bible, perfect timing

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, it's never good enough? Like the people around you are all blind to your struggles so they just keep pushing you non-stop and soon you'll either blow up or dissolve under the pressure?
Well. if you have, then just know that you're not alone.
About three weeks ago, I was having a bit of a power struggle with my parents and I guess part of it had to do with recently turning seventeen. Weird, I know, but I think it was pretty much the crux of the problem.
This is how it went. I turned seventeen and decided I should be treated more like an adult and have more privileges. Made sense to me but my parents certainly took it the wrong way!
An example of one of these 'grown up' things I thought I had risen up to was dating. Now, my dad is very fatherly, as in, very protective of his little girl (me) and so the when I started having crushes many MANY years ago, he said I would be able to date when I turned sixteen. Right..that was last year! When I turned sixteen last year I brought up the dating thing but of course, dad was like "I think it's a little to early..blablabla..(not a bad 'blablabla', important stuff)" I was understanding and actually agreed that I was still too young and also rededicated my life.
That was last year.
I wasn't any more mature or 'date ready' when I started eleventh grade. In fact, life seemed so smooth that I started slacking off, pretty bad for the first month of school. But then again, school started pretty slow and there wasn't much to do, lots of free study periods and nights devoid of homework. I guess I had too much time on my hands, too much time to daydream. No homework, easy school days, hardly any extra curricular activities to busy myself with, lots of time to hang out with friends, and someone 'liked' me! Life was good, great!
So I thought.
Little did I know, the 'sweet life' was eating away at me like maggots eating away a dead body, little by little but oh so destructive. When school started getting more difficult and the homework started to pile and friendships started to get complicated, I started to withdraw from my parents. I was an adult, I could deal with it...yea right, Miss Seventeen.
Things were falling apart..and I was the problem. Seclusion was my ally.
Thankfully (totally understated), God gave us parents and my parents finally gave me a talking to and straightened out my attitude. They understood both my struggles and my immaturity. They say letting go is the hardest part and I totally agree. Letting go of my stubbornness and letting my parents do their job was difficult but in the end very freeing.
The whole dating thing, I'll just cool it and let things happen in their right timing. Besides, God's in control and He knows what's best.
And the whole 'mature' thing, I still have a whole bunch of maturing to do, that's for sure!
So yea, sometimes people just don't understand, unintentionally burst your bubble or get in your space but is that really what's happening? Maybe it's you. Maybe you just don't realize that the things in your life that are falling apart are because of you. It's a hard thing to admit, but once exposed, freedom is at your finger tips.


written by kendal

Labels: dating, growing up, maturity, perfect timing, seclusion

I've always had a fear of ghosts and no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't convince myself to believe that they weren't real. This whole fear started when my family started to force me to watch horror movies with them when i was at the age of 8 because they thought it would make me a "tougher" person. YEAH RIGHT! After watching my first horror movie, I was never the same. You know in ghosts movies there are certain scenes where you know something scary's going to pop out? It's always the scene in the bathroom, isn't it? Either the ghost pops out from behind when the character of the movie is looking in the mirror, or the ghost appears in the stall when the door is opened. So in result, the bathroom became the scariest place on earth for me. I refused to go into the bathroom alone no matter where I was- may it be at home, at school or even at a restaurant. It was ridiculous.

Anyway, a couple years ago, after months of hard work, I was FINALLY successful in making myself believe that these supernatural beings were just make believe (with the reasoning that i had never once seen a ghost throughout the 13 years i have lived on this earth) but then my brother had to come and burst my bubble. It was about something that happened to him the night before. (I am not 100% sure that he was telling the truth but I am pretty sure he was, because you could just see how scared he was when he was telling the story. He even kept the light on when he wanted to go to sleep that night. That in itself already creeped me out. So the story went like this:

It was around 12:30 in the morning when my brother decided to leave the house to meet up with his friends that were parked down the street. The street lights were dim and all he could hear were the distant movements of traffic. "Where's the car?", he thought to himself, "Oh, its probably around the bend". As he continued walking towards the end of the street, he started to have this feeling like someone was watching him. He stopped walking and slowly looked around to see if he could spot anyone. It took him about 5 minutes before he saw him. The man was standing about 10 meters away from my brother inside the gates of one of the houses that he passed. My brother could only see the silhouette of the man but he could tell that he was staring straight at him. "What's his problem?" my brother said to himself as he started walking again. As my brother neared the car, he turned to look at the man again, and thats when he noticed it. The man had no legs. My brother stood there, staring back at the man, frozen in fear for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn't until he heard the distinct voices of his friends calling his name, that he started to sprint to the car.

After my brother got back from the party and was in his room, getting ready for bed, his mobile started ringing. He looked at the caller ID and it read "Home". "Thats weird" he said to himself, "I thought everyone was already asleep". As his mobile continued to ring, he peeped through the blinds of his room to look at the part of the house that the house phone was located in. There was no one there. His mobile continued to ring and chills started to run up and down his spine.

Maybe there is such a thing as ghosts after all.

Labels: fear, ghosts

Truth is stranger than fiction: Butt-breathing

Turtles can breathe through their butts. They can suck water into their cloaca, the single hole through which they pass feces, urine and sexual fluids, and into two pockets that come off the chamber. These pockets are lined with veins, and the turtles can absorb oxygen from the water into their blood. The Fitzroy River turtle from Australia seems to be the champion of butt breathing. It can pump water in and out of its butt up to 60 times a minute, and gets almost 70 per cent of its oxygen in this way.

seeeee!!! Hahahaha..it's true!! Research it yourself!

kendal

Labels: random fact

Just yesterday after basketball practice, Kendal and I were walking home and she started singing a song that she couldn't remember the name of but wanted me to hear. When we got to her house she turned on her iPod and told me to listen to this song called "Waiting in the Wings" by Point of Grace. While I was listening to it there was a few lines towards the end of the song that really stood out to me.

Waiting in the Wings - Point Of Grace
Hearts of hope
Seem hard to find these days
As darker deeds
Have their time on center stage

We watch it all
Unfolding scene by scene
And a happy ending
Seems a fading dream

Fear and desperation have their day
At least until faith steps up to say

Chorus
I believe – though God is out of sight
He's working in the middle of all things
Evil may have its time in the spotlight
But love is waiting in the wings
Love is always waiting in the wings

It's your life
As it plays out don't forget it
Heartache comes
But the stories not done yet

When shadows come, your courage wants to fade
But in a moment, everything can change

Chorus

There's always
More to any story
Than just what's here and now
There's not one
Hopeless situation
That can't be turned around

Chorus

Those particular words "there's not one hopeless situation that can't be turned around" really shout out to me. I mean, this whole song has great meaning, but those few words right towards the end seem as if they literally reach out and grab my attention. It makes me think about everything that I have been through, and all of those 'problems' that seem to be absolutely impossible to solve. Although at the time they make me want to crawl up into a little ball and die, they aren't actually all that bad. They can be solved. Of course it will take time. But no matter how much time it takes, any hopeless situation can be turned around. Recently, some things have been happening that i haven't been dealing with too well. I'd come to a point where I'd completely given up, although deep down inside I wanted to keep trying to make things better. For about a month I didn't 'attend' to this problem of mine, I just let it be, and of course, it went nowhere. After hearing this song, I began to think that maybe I shouldn't give up just yet. Those lines play over and over in my head, giving me the strength to believe that anything is possible, as long as you're willing to dedicate time, effort and a whole lot of deep thought into it. I myself have realized that just reading these lyrics don't do a whole lot, but if you listen to the actual song, I'm sure that at least a few lines will really stand out to you. Depending on the happenings taking place in your life, the 'stand outs' will vary, but I'm absolutely sure, that no matter who you are, this song will be able to give you just that tiniest push to make your curiosity flare, leading you to have just a little more faith in the 'Big Man Upstiars' :)

Labels: faith, problems, song lyrics

PS...that last one was by hannah....sorry. OH and i dont know why it posted the name all those times but sorry for that too! ok now that i sound like a canadian ( :p haha just kidding ) im gonna go study!
~hannah

You know when you are watching a movie and something happens to the character and you think "haha that sucks! Good thing that wasn't me!" Things always happen in movies that we think could NEVER happen to us, right? Well from now on I will always feel for the character that gets embarrassed or something because I now know how they feel!
The other day at Coffee Bean i decided that i had to go to the bathroom...but since the place doesn't have one me and Kendal had to walk down and around the corner. well after trying not to let my purse touch the nasty floors in the stall and plugging my nose at the gross sewer smells that pollute the bathrooms here...i came out to wash my hands. As i am washing though i notice that these little ladys keep looking at me funny, but hey I'm a bule so maybe that is what they are looking at. As i turn to leave Kendal shrieks and grabs my arm. Thinking that there is like some rodent or bug on me a also start to freak out. Then i realize what Kendal is really yelling about....my skirt is TOTALLY tucked into my underwear. YEA....it was bad..
So i quickly fix it but it is too late, the ladys are already laughing hysterically and i am already turing red. I laugh it off and me and Kendal make our way back to the Coffee Bean in tears we are laughing so hard. Can you imagine if kendal wouldn't have been with me?? I WOULD HAVE WALKED ALL THE WAY BACK TO COFFEE BEAN WITH HALF A SKIRT ON!! Ugh just thinking about that makes me cringe! How embarrassing!!!!!!! But anyways it is a good memory now, and i will always, always, ALWAYS check my skirt before coming out of a bathroom again!

Labels: embarrassment

Whether or not gay marriages should be allowed and tolerated is a touchy subject in today's society.
Here are some facts that may make you think twice about same-sex marriage and homosexuality.

- Homosexuals were not born that way; there is no homosexual genetic component in our DNA.

- Statistically, children and adults inside of traditional marriage are much better off socially, physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally than those of same-sex marriages.

- Homosexuals are not a class of people, why classify people by sexual desires? You will find many former homosexuals, you will never find a former African-American.

- An orientation towards homosexuality doesn't make the behavior morally right anymore than an orientation toward violence makes gay bashing morally right.

- Opposition to inter-ethnic marriage is without merit. Men and women are designed for one another, so inter-ethnic couplings are helpful. But homosexual couplings go against the natural design and are therefore harmful.

- Everyone has the same right to marry the opposite sex;homosexuals don't like their choices and thus want special rights.

- If homosexuals are granted special rights, on what grounds can we deny special rights for consenting adults who desire other socially destructive or unhealthy relationships such as polygamy or incest?

- They say, "But we love each other!" What's loving about medically dangerous behavior? Love seeks the ultimate good of the loved one.

These facts/arguments have come from Frank Turek, the author of Legislating Morality and I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist. Learn more about big issues like this from his website: www.ImpactApologetics.com

I'm telling you, this stuff is important. We are the future. Let's get the facts straight for a better future.

kendal

Labels: gay marriage, homosexuality

Did you know turtles can breath through their butt? Is that so not fair or what?? I wonder why God didn't create us with that same bootylious feature??

Well, this is a pretty fine topic in my opinion so I'll go ahead and dissect the idea.

If we could breath out of our butts, we wouldn't have to worry about being smothered in the face.
If we could breath out of our butts, we'd have another esophagus type thing, the more the better!
If we could breath out of our butts, it would be easier to exercise because we wouldn't run out of breath as easily.

But...

If we could breath out of our butts, things would be more complicated "down there".
If we could breath out of our butts, it would be more difficult to swim under water.
If we could breath out of our butts, we would have to have different kind of pants to accommodate our breathing passage.

In short, there are pluses and minuses to both being able and not being able to breath through our butts like turtles. I'm sure God had an extensively important reason why he didn't give us breathable butts. I don't know about you, but I'm glad he didn't!

(kendal)

Okay, right now I'm supposed to be doing my history homework thats supposed to be due in tomorrows lesson but i cant bring myself to do it! I simply hate history. So, I am going to write the blog that was meant to be written last week but about a topic that just came to me a couple minutes ago.

In this morning's devotion, I was sitting at my desk, looking at Mr. Eric while he was reading a passage from the Bible like he usually does in the mornings, but then something he read aloud caught my attention. It was from the book of Genesis.

"..she ate some of the fruit. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. He ate it too. At that moment, their eyes were opened.."

I don't know why this passage decided to catch my attention this time, when in fact it has been read to me again and again over the years, but i found that the word choice that was used to explain how sin was taking ahold of Adam and Eve, was rather odd. Usually when people choose to use the words "their eyes were opened", they are trying to illustrate something good happening. If I didn't know any better, I would interpret the action of Adam and Eve eating the fruits from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil as something good because their "eyes were opened". To me, this changes the whole meaning of the story of Adam and Eve. It makes it seem like God wasn't allowing Adam and Eve to think on their own. He was clouding their thoughts so that they could not think to sin, but the serpent was able to convince them to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil so that their eyes could be opened.

Maybe God did intend for us to live like robots, to live with clouded minds so that we do not know what is our right from out left. We would just live our lives, blindly praising and serving God with all out hearts. But the serpent ruined His great plan by convincing Adam and Eve to eat the fruits of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

I actually don't believe this to be true but I couldn't help but wonder.

Labels: Bible, mindlessness, sin

don't grade the one i wrote about the gay marriages!! i didnt even want that posted but my dumb friends decided it would be funny to add on "(excuse for actual belief)" and post it for everyone to see. geez..

i dont know why i agreed to write about gay marriages but i have nothing else to write about and my friends suggested it to me (excuse for actual belief).

The thought of it does not offend me anyway i believe that any person has a choice to love anyone. Although in America they dont approbate man to man relationships, as it is utterly unconventional to our knowledge. Maybe, the thought of it doesn't coincide with our understandings, and people do not approve of it as the concept of homosexuality is believed to be immoral.

In modern society, homosexual and mixed partner marriages are discriminated. People, in general, i think are morally repulsed by homosexuality. This leads to the thought of no respect to free rights in this society. Free rights enables us to do anything possible for example now students like me can talk back to their elders and can overthrow the postion we were once at centuries ago.

According to the Bible, in the beginning, God created man and woman to breed, however this perspective has been completely distorted in modern society. Christians still do not approve of this, but i believe differently, because as people say, "love is between two people" and people is not justified, so it can be a man or a woman.

Labels: gay marriage, homosexuality

ok so i am sitting here reading this really great book and all of a sudden once again...BARK-BARK BARK-BARK!!... well so much for reading tonight. its been like this since we moved into our house....and of course the dumb dogs never EVER bark when it doesnt matter...its either at 3 in the morning or during family dinner or when you are trying to concentrate. its seriously ridiculous! it has gotten so bad that i cant even sleep in my own room...i have to sleep in on on the other side of the house just to get a good night sleep!! do the people at the house not hear the dogs? seriously!! and let me tell you...its not just like a couple deep barks...its like a puppy that is trapped behind something and is going to die and is yelping and yelping over and over again...but the sad thing is IT NEVER DIES!!! and i know that sounds horrible but if you woke up at 2 in the morning to little yepling ratty dogs that never quit EVER i think you would feel the same way. i cant take it anymore!!!!! i seriuously think i am going insane listening to this!!! o good they stopped. maybe i can get some....scratch that...wheres my earplugs??

Labels: annoyance, dogs