Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, it's never good enough? Like the people around you are all blind to your struggles so they just keep pushing you non-stop and soon you'll either blow up or dissolve under the pressure?
Well. if you have, then just know that you're not alone.
About three weeks ago, I was having a bit of a power struggle with my parents and I guess part of it had to do with recently turning seventeen. Weird, I know, but I think it was pretty much the crux of the problem.
This is how it went. I turned seventeen and decided I should be treated more like an adult and have more privileges. Made sense to me but my parents certainly took it the wrong way!
An example of one of these 'grown up' things I thought I had risen up to was dating. Now, my dad is very fatherly, as in, very protective of his little girl (me) and so the when I started having crushes many MANY years ago, he said I would be able to date when I turned sixteen. Right..that was last year! When I turned sixteen last year I brought up the dating thing but of course, dad was like "I think it's a little to early..blablabla..(not a bad 'blablabla', important stuff)" I was understanding and actually agreed that I was still too young and also rededicated my life.
That was last year.
I wasn't any more mature or 'date ready' when I started eleventh grade. In fact, life seemed so smooth that I started slacking off, pretty bad for the first month of school. But then again, school started pretty slow and there wasn't much to do, lots of free study periods and nights devoid of homework. I guess I had too much time on my hands, too much time to daydream. No homework, easy school days, hardly any extra curricular activities to busy myself with, lots of time to hang out with friends, and someone 'liked' me! Life was good, great!
So I thought.
Little did I know, the 'sweet life' was eating away at me like maggots eating away a dead body, little by little but oh so destructive. When school started getting more difficult and the homework started to pile and friendships started to get complicated, I started to withdraw from my parents. I was an adult, I could deal with it...yea right, Miss Seventeen.
Things were falling apart..and I was the problem. Seclusion was my ally.
Thankfully (totally understated), God gave us parents and my parents finally gave me a talking to and straightened out my attitude. They understood both my struggles and my immaturity. They say letting go is the hardest part and I totally agree. Letting go of my stubbornness and letting my parents do their job was difficult but in the end very freeing.
The whole dating thing, I'll just cool it and let things happen in their right timing. Besides, God's in control and He knows what's best.
And the whole 'mature' thing, I still have a whole bunch of maturing to do, that's for sure!
So yea, sometimes people just don't understand, unintentionally burst your bubble or get in your space but is that really what's happening? Maybe it's you. Maybe you just don't realize that the things in your life that are falling apart are because of you. It's a hard thing to admit, but once exposed, freedom is at your finger tips.


written by kendal

Labels: dating, growing up, maturity, perfect timing, seclusion