I’ve created a monster. And I don’t know what to do. There is a story behind the story that most people don’t know. The story that has been told is misleading and contradictory to the story that has been left in the shadows. I’ll shine the light.

I liked this guy, genuinely had a crush on him. I loved the attention he gave me and the kindness and curiosity he showed towards me. He was sweet to say the least. The coolest part was that he liked me back and it showed. He asked me on my first date (ever!) and after that first date we started hanging out more and more. He was my first valentine and I thought he was a dream come true. He really liked me, I could tell. I liked him too. I started to wonder what was to come of it, were we going to be together forever, was he the one? This thought scared me, things were moving too fast, I didn’t know what to do. Should I distance myself, try to slow us down, put up the stop sign? I prayed earnestly day after day. My feelings for him lessened and I knew God was helping me let go. The last day of school I shared this verse with him:

“I want you to promise, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the timing is right.” Song of Songs 8:4

I explained that it wasn’t the right timing for us, that we needed to cool it. He told me he understood and agreed. I thought that was that. Time to turn the page.

The summer passed by full of new experiences and new friendships. School started back up and everything was normal. He and I were friends, nothing more, nothing less.

Now another guy has entered the picture. Some people have jumped to conclusions. They think we are ‘together’. At this point in time, we are not ‘together’. Is it a crime to like a guy? Some people understand, some don’t.

Now I’m being ridiculed for leaving the past the past. I’ve turned the page, started a new chapter, and some people keep looking back as if they are waiting for the past to change. It doesn’t happen that way. I don’t always make the right decisions. But who does? Emotions are ever changing, that’s why crushes come and go. Some people give more of themselves than others. Some hold on longer. Many people get hurt. That’s what happens. That doesn’t make me a heartless person, I wish people would understand that.

written by kendal

Labels: change, crushes, love