Daddy, I miss you, plain and simple.

Please come back soon; I miss the days you’d squeeze my pimple.

Daddy, I miss you, clearly I do.

Please come back; I have a surprise for you.

Daddy, I miss you, like an Alaskan winter misses the sun.

Please come back; I’ll show you my report card that says I passed term one.

Daddy, I miss you, I miss our meaningful talks.

Please come back; they really rock my socks.

Daddy, I miss you, it’s so so true.

Please come back; I cry myself to sleep at night, I’m so so blue.

*** Kendal really really misses her dad who is currently in Bangkok recovering from knee and shoulder surgery =( ***

Labels: Daddy, miss

I enjoy being alone. Not in the truly abnormal way that makes me seem like a freak - I just don't much enjoy the company of others too much. In other words, I'm a self-centered recluse.

For the most part I usually see others' faults as they are, and even with a manner of glorification to them. I am tolerant of them only because confrontation of those faults would lead to a domino effect of problems that would only increase my general irritation with people. And even with that, I can usually find the most scrutinizing quirks in everyone that will undoubtedly continue to annoy me.

Certainly I do have friends and enjoy their company, but not in the way that I truly appreciate their physical presence when I am with them, which is quite an appalling thing to say. It's probably a distressing and dreary thought to most, but I'm perfectly fine with my independence and dissociation from the real world. I feel superior to those who are so dependent on others. Those who cling to people like magnets and move from partner to partner as recklessly as driving the opposite way on a one-way street, so as to avoid the mere thought of being alone. If the connection to their life support was suddenly severed would they shrivel up like a parasite with no host to feed on?

What worries me is that I must change. What if I don't? For as long as I remember I've been this mold of a person. I assured myself that when I start my own family, when I finally love someone enough to commit myself to an eternity with them, I'll be different. Though it's still a far way off I have an uncanny feeling I'll still harbor this separation for quite some time.

There are innumerable stories of roaming singles who finally realize that they can't play around forever and that settling down with one person is a gift in itself. I certainly don't fit that mold but would I be able to appreciate the gift God gave Adam of company? Of course if God says so, that should be my main motivation to change myself, right?

I'm trying to care, but really I couldn't be less bothered with anyone but myself. Like I said, self-centered recluse.





I'd be a horrible mother.

And an even worse wife, no doubt.

Labels: alone, independence, recluse, self-centered

so, term one just ended and letters were just sent home regarding failing grades. well since i was one of the recipiants of that letter i thought i would do a little comparing. you see, at my old school all you had to do to pass a subject was show up and b.s. your way through the tests and lectures. Maybe do a little sucking up to teachers and some homework once in a while and you were set...HA! that is not the case here and thats a good thing!!! everyone slacked off at my old school and it was like the school didnt even care...so why should we have cared? my last school only made you do the minimum..this school only excepts the maximum. my last school held assemblies about "the effects of cocain"(because half the school was shotting up drugs in the bathrooms), this school holds assemblies to show the effects of a life without God. At my last school our food in the caffeteria was a choice of pizza, pizza stick, or nachoes(not so healthy), SPH has a choice of..well alot more then that! my last school was all about helping the kids stay in school and off drugs!(because once again half of the school was shotting up drugs in the bathrooms), this school is all about building Godly character and teaching us hard work. my last school our morning class was only to catch up on the latest gossip and watch the crude morning show put on by the students, at this school morning class is for reading Gods word. so as you can see SPH is a universe different from my last school....THANK GOD! :p
~~Hana

Labels: comparison, school, SPH, work

This past holiday was one of the most relaxing yet demanding holidays of my life. I was busy with all sorts of things. My parents were away for most of the holiday, and also my brother and my maid, so was pretty much woman of the house! Although there were some difficulties, for the most part, I enjoyed the freedom and serenity it gave me!
While my parents were in China and my maid pulang kampung, I was in charge of taking care of my apartment and dog, Sunshine, and was in charge of my brother also. This proved the most difficult task of the holiday! My brother, Jack, and I usually get along quite well but when our parents are away, we struggle with how to cop with each other. As his older sister, it is my duty to take the leadership role that my parents usually posses but Jack really doesn’t like that. For instance I would tell him to hurry up and change because we had to go and then I would leave the room. When I came back, he would still be watching TV! It really annoyed me because I had to continually repeat myself! And then he would get annoyed and say that I wasn’t his mom or dad and tell me to stop acting like them. So, from then on, I tried my best to not be too controlling and just let him do his own thing and let him feel the consequences on his own. I got a good taste of what parenting will be like!
On a lighter note, while Jack was gone to Bandung with his friends for four days, I had free reign! I made all my own decisions and didn’t have to wait on anyone but myself! At times I got kind of lonely but I always found something to do and someone to hang out with. I slept over a Zowie’s house without permission, invited friends over to my house, went to Ed’s birthday party and stayed as long as I wanted, went to a movie with Ed and his brother and sister, and of course, did housework and homework but that bit of work wasn’t that bad either! I think I got a good idea of what it will be like living on my own when I go to college!

written by kendal

Labels: freedom, holiday, independence, parenting

Just to get this blog going again after two weeks of not posting.
For fun (x-posted from my FB and LJ).


The rules are simple: List (20) things you want to say to 20 people but know you never will. Don't say who they are.

1. You and your family may be the "perfect" Christians, but it's because of people like you that I turn away from the church.

2. Everytime I'm near you I make a fool of myself. I'm sorry, but maybe you didn't realize that not everyone can be blessed with your brains.

3. You mean more to me than anything else in the world and it breaks my heart to know that you're going on without me.

4. It truly bothers me that as much as I hate you, I'm the one who put you on your pedestal. You're not perfect.

5. Just because you're a PK doesn't mean you have to be so close-minded. Open your eyes.

6. I know you always said those things just to make me feel better. It's okay. We both knew who would make it in the end.

7. We were never close friends but you didn't have to completely ignore me once I left. Thanks for caring.

8. Though I have no justification for it, you can't believe how hurt I was when you asked my best friend and not me.

9. Sometimes I just want to really be a part of your world. But then I remember your friends and I know it isn't worth it.

10. You never noticed but I was always trying to impress you. Little as you were in my life.

11. High school crushes are overrated - get over yourself.

12. I'm sorry for third grade.

13. You're a b**** and as much of a jerk as he was he didn't deserve that. Yet eveyone's still on your side.

14. Even though it was years ago and you probably regretted it afterwards, thanks for saying it to me because you were the first. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have known what a great friend you could be.

15. You're my role model and always make me feel like I belong. Thanks.

16. I'm not sure what you saw in me but I was honored to be your 'favorite.'

17. Thanks for believing in me. Both you and your husband.

18. I'll forever be indebted to you for your kindness.

19. I've never been in love but you sure got me pretty close.

20. You never showed me you cared until I moved to the other side of the world. Nonetheless, I'm lucky to have you as a friend.

Labels: for fun

I am an epicurian :D (woooooooh.. a new word)
I love every single type of food there is in the world. i like american, indonesian, italian, french, thailand-ese(?), indian, vietnamese... everything! so gooood but you know how all foods have there ups and downs? well, i think that american food has the most down sides to it that any other type of food there is. i mean, doesnt it just taste REALLY boring? when i go to the states for the holidays and spend over a week there, the food starts to make me feel nauseous. i mean, for the first couple of days, sure, the food is amazing. burgers, steak, fries, mashed potatoes. who wouldnt enjoy it? but as the days go by, all the food starts to taste the same; a blend of butter and fat. i think that im just used to the style of the asian cuisine where they use a lot of different spices to make the food interesting and yummy to eat, so when compared to american food, it tastes like heaven. the taste of american food is the equivalent to the taste of plastic. When my family and i decide to head to the states for holiday, we usually go to Michigan, and in michigan the range of food you can get is so limited that it is actually quite ridiculous. For breakfast it was always eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, frech toast; lunch was sandwiches, cheese with crackers, and fruit; and dinner was either steak or hamburgers. imagine having to eat that everyday for 2 weeks with the occassional luxury of having pizza instead of sandwhiches for lunch. barf. now compare that to what an indonesian would eat. mie goreng for breakfast; nasi, kangkung, sate, nasi goreng or nasi campur for lunch; and dinner would be sop buntut, nasi uduk, rendang, ayam kuning or sayur asam. SO MUCH BETTER!!!! :D i guess if u have all that indonesian food every day for 2 weeks it would also get pretty sickening in the end, but not as sickening as eating bland, boring food. americans should explore the different tastes of the world and know what theyre missing out on. theyre so concentrated on their own country that I even saw a restaurant that was given the name, "SHANGHAI, Japanese Cuisine". wow.

another thing about american food that i have a particular frustration towards is the fact that they have so many forms of instant food. are americans really that lazy to not have the enegy to cook there own food? no wonder most of the american population is overweight. they eat chemical-packed instant food for most of their meals. instant pizza, instant tv dinner packages, instant sandwiches. how disgusting. what is so hard about buying ingredients to cook yourself a decent healthy meal?

people always make fun of the type of foods i like to eat because it doesnt fit with the way i look, but i cant help it if i think asian food tastes so much better than american food. this is one of the reasons i am dreading the thought of going to school in the US. im going to be staying there for much longer than 2 weeks at a time :(

Labels: American, Asian, cuisine, food, Indonesian

[Edit: Since they're all thoughts, I figured I could combine them on one blog. Obviously, they don't all really connect with each other. Or at least, not enough to create a "real" entry.]

[10/6/07]
The problem with dreamers is they usually can't stop dreaming long enough to act on the brilliant imaginations in their mind. They plan and imagine great things for the future, but the roller coast ride comes to a deadening halt when reality sets in.
As an "ex-perfectionist/overachiever," I know what it means to aim big and live by high standards. Failure is not an option, which is why you don't even consider what would happen "if I don't make it." I don't know what happened - maybe it was the move to a cliche private school in Southeast Asia where the majority of the students seem to perfectly fit the Asian stereotype mold - but I grew out of my perfectionist ways. More so, I began to mock them. Mock what I used to be (or tried to be, anyways). Perhaps, it was my loss of inspiration and passion, but I didn't see the point anymore. Nevertheless, I know you have to be determined and ambitious and set yourself seemingly impossible goals.

The other part of me is the dreamer. In that aspect, I often get caught up in my make-believe world and forget that hard work isn't given free with the overachiever package. In this case, the goals set are more elusive and a bit exaggerated.

They go together quite well, actually. You have to be a dreamer to think big and a sort of overachiever to make those dreams reality. The most important part you have to remember is to keep the balance though. If you dream too big for yourself, you're usually blinded by the prospect of that dream to think rationally enough to realize that you're hurting yourself more if you go through with it.
Unfortunately, the greater the dream, the harder the fall. The worst part is the disappointment. Somewhere, in the bowels of your consciousness you knew that you probably would not have succeeded anyway, but those thoughts are drowned out by the shouts of chaos of your imagination. So, in response to those shouts you decide to go for it. And where in any other situation that would be considered a positive attitude it is not so for this.


[10/3/07]
I already had my opinions on such topics like abortion, homosexuality, euthanasia, cloning, and stem cell research before I had truly become a Christian. In fact, they were quite liberal.

Now, that I know exactly where I am spiritually and my position in God is more clearly defined to me I have accepted what the Bible teaches and what the church preaches on such topics like those. Honestly, both sides have their points. There must be a reason people hold on so dearly to their beliefs when dealing with these issues.

Does that mean that I'm simply accepting teachings that I might not necessarily believe in so I can 'be a Christian'? Doesn't that mean I'm lying to myself? Or am I now turning the blind eye to topics that might arouse personal opinions contradictory to the church so I won't compromise my position as a Christian?

Not a comforting notion but maybe my sense of morality was distorted to begin with...

Labels: Christianity, controversy, dreams, failure, liberalism, morality, overachievers

When I lived in Australia I used to deal with alot of drama. From friend and family, to school and all that goes on. To deal with this drama i would write poetry. When I came to Indonesia I guess my creative side kind of died a little and I just didn't feel like writing anymore. But of course, as I got used to the whole idea of living here I began to write poetry again. Recently, I wrote a poem. I wouldn't consider it one of my best, but still, I'm proud of it. Especially considering the fact that I haven't been writing as much lately. Anyway, here it goes.

I know…

I know you have two hands,
I’ve held them, and they’ve held me.
So why don’t you use them?
Use them for something other than satisfying your own needs.

I know you have two eyes,
I’ve stared into them, and they’ve stared into mine.
So why don’t you use them?
Use them to see how I’ve fallen for you over this time.

I know you have lips,
I’ve kissed them and they’ve kissed me.
So why don’t you use them?
Use them for something other than lying about how you want things to be.

I know you have a heart,
I've felt it beating, and I've heard it too.
So why don’t you use it?
Use it to love me the way that I love you.

Have any of you ever believed something and then come to realize that it was all a complete lie? I know I have. Yes, this world is full of lies, but most are usually secret lies, done behind ones back. I know they are still lies, they're still sins, but in my opinion, those sort of lies don't hurt as much as those lies that are done right to your face! When somebody looks you in the eyes and says something, of course, in most cases, you'll believe them. But, if you come to realize that what they had said to you was a complete lie, things can get ugly, and when they do, emotions tend to get hurt. Liars tend to be fakes. And personally, I DISLIKE fakes. I'll admit, I've lied. But I don't live my whole life as a lie. I'm me. And people know that. But someone that pretends to be someone they're not, well that's just pathetic. Honestly. Anyway, just think about it. Is lying your way through life really worth the consequesnces that you'll have to deal with in the end? I don't think so.

Labels: drama, fakes, lies, poetry

The Bible is our handbook for each and every issue we come up against in life, it is the key to knowledge of what is right and wrong. Racism and prejudice corresponds directly to favoritism, treating others indifferently, and showing a lack of love, all of which are talked about in the Bible.
Favoritism has been one of man’s down falls in life from the beginning of time and leads directly to racism and prejudice. The Bible talks about favoritism numerous times, James chapter two being one of them. In his letter which purpose is to “expose unethical practices and teach right Christian behavior” (Student’s Life Application Bible), James says, “ My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim that you have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if your favor some people more than others?” (James 2:1) Another example of partiality resulting in racism and prejudice is the conflict between God’s chosen people and gentiles. In the early era of Israel, the conflict between these two people groups was constant, they thought it was even scandalous to talk to gentiles. This is because the Jews thought they were more important than everyone else which lead to prejudice against Jews that continues to this day. Peter knew differently, though, in Acts 10:34, “Then Peter replied, ‘I see very clearly that God doesn’t show partiality.’”
“Treat others how you would like to be treated” is a statement that almost everyone has heard one time or another, in one way or another. It is not very surprising that this truthful remark originated from the Bible, more than once. Widely known in the Church as the Golden Rule, treating others like yourself is mentioned in Luke 10:27, Mark 12:31, Matthew 5:43-48, Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 22:39, and there are some many others references. It is a fact that human’s number one obsession is themselves and themselves is what they care about and think about the most. Obviously, if we all treated others how we wanted to be treated like the Bible tells us to, there would not be problems of racism and prejudice because everyone would love each other and find no faults in one another.
Love makes the world to round, it is what separates us from the animals, and it is God’s gift to each and every one of his creatures. The Bible says clearly and demonstrates God’s love for us a gazillion times stating all through the Bible that God’s love is unfailing, immeasurable, and never ending. In turn, it is our responsibility and privilege to love others as God loves us. In 1 John 4:7 and 8 says, “ Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God-for God is love.” When we truly love others, there is no room for hatred, jealousy, or any other wrong thoughts or actions that are racist or prejudice to God’s creatures.
Knowing all these things, and understanding what the Bible says is nothing without application. The Bible says we should be doers and not hearers. It is not enough to have 1st Corinthians 13, also known as the love chapter, memorized and be able to tell people God loves them and be as tolerant as possible. One needs to actually be the example and show complete love towards everyone. This is the only way that racism and prejudice can be overcome, it is the example of Jesus Christ himself that can help us oppose the disease known as discrimination.

By Kendal

Labels: Bible, Christianity, discrimination, favoritism, love, prejudice, racism